Do you know about my obsession with (awesomely funny) lame dad jokes? You know – the sort of jokes that make everyone laugh out loud, whilst simultaneously rolling their eyes? I love them! So I’ve gathered 48 of my favourite, kid-friendly, spooky jokes.
I originally collated this list for JJ’s Spooky Sixth birthday party. But now that Halloween is coming up, I’m pulling it out again, to add a few jokes to JJ’s lunchbox. Nothing like a ghoulish lunchtime giggle!
(See below for a printable version).
Spooky Jokes for Kids
- On which day are ghosts most scary? Fright-day!
- What do witches put in their hair? Scare spray!
- What do spooks with poor eyesight wear? Spook-tacles!
- What day do ghosts do their howling? On Moan-day!
- Did you hear about the monster who ate his own house? He was homesick.
- What do you call a hairy monster in a river? A weir-wolf!
- How did the vampire race finish? Neck and neck!
- Where does the witch’s frog sit? On a toadstool.
- What is a skeleton’s favourite instrument? A trombone.
- How do ghosts go from floor to floor? By scare-case!
- What noise does a witch’s breakfast cereal make? Snap, cackle and pop!
- What do you call two witches who share a room? Broom mates!
- What type of coffee does a vampire drink? De-coffin-ated!
- What do witches race on? Vroomsticks!
- How does a vampire start a letter? Tomb it may concern.
- Did you hear about the untidy cemetery? You wouldn’t want to be caught dead in there!
- Why did the ghost go to the sales? Because they were bargain haunters!
- What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher? Lots of blood tests!
- Which boats do vampires travel in? Blood vessels.
- Why didn’t the skeleton jump off the roof? He didn’t have the guts.
- Why did the skeleton climb a tree? Because a dog was after his bones!
- Why don’t skeletons play music in church? Because they have no organs!
- What do you get when you cross the Abominable Snowman and pasta? Spag-yeti!
- What do ghosts turn on in summer? The scare-conditioner!
- Why did the zombie decide to stay in his coffin? He felt rotten.
- Why do ghosts hate rain? It dampens their spirits.
- What do you call a witch that lives at the beach? A sand witch!
- How do you make a witch scratch? Take away the ‘w’!
- What is a spook’s favourite ride? A roller-ghoster!
- What is a vampire’s favourite fruit? Necktarines!
- What is a ghost’s favourite dessert? Boo-berries and I Scream!
- What is a ghost’s favourite bedtime story? Little Boo Peep!
- What kind of mistake does a ghost make? A boo-boo!
- Why do they have a fence around the graveyard? Because everyone is dying to get in!
- What did the wizard say to the twin witches? Which witch is which?
- What does a ghost do when he gets in the car? Puts his sheet belt on!
- Why are vampires so unpopular? Because they are pains in the neck!
- Why did Dr Jekyll cross the road? To get to the other Hyde!
- Who did the monster take to the Halloween dance? His ghoul friend!
- How can you tell if a vampire has a cold? He starts coffin!
- What bear goes around scaring other animals? Winnie the Boo!
- What game do young ghosts love? Hide and shriek!
- What do ghosts eat for dinner? Spook-etti.
- Knock knock. Who’s there? Witches. Witches who? Witches the way home?
- Why are ghosts so bad at lying? Because you can see right through them!
- What do ghosts use to wash their hair? Sham-boo!
- What does a skeleton say before dinner? Bone appetit!
- What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
- What is a vampire’s favourite dog? A bloodhound.
- What did King Kong say when his sister had a baby? Well I’ll be a monkey’s uncle!
- What do sea monsters eat for lunch? Potato ships!
- Why did the cyclops give up teaching? Because she only had one pupil.
- What do devil’s drink? Demonade.
- How does a monster count to thirteen? On her fingers.
- What kind of cheese do monster’s eat? Monsterella!
- What did the baby zombie want for her birthday? A deady bear.
- How many witches does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but she changes it into a frog!
- Who is the best dancer at the monster party? The Boogie Man!
- Why are ghosts such terrible liars? Because you can see right through them!
- Did you hear about the ghost who ate all the Christmas decorations? He got tinselitus!
- What is Dracula’s favourite ice-cream flavour? Vein-illa!
- What do baby ghosts wear on their little feet? Booties!
- What is a witch’s favourite subject in school? Spelling!
- Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance? He had no body to go with.
- How do you make a skeleton laugh? Tickle her funnybone.
- What is a ghost’s favourite position in soccer? Ghoul-keeper.
My sense of humour may be a bit skewed, but seriously, these crack me up!
You can download these spooky jokes as a free printable here.
(This printable is a 2 paged, A4-sized, pdf file. You will need a pdf reader to open it. If you are printing on US ‘letter-sized’ paper, select ‘fit’ or ‘shrink to fit’ from your printer options. This printable is for personal use only. You may not sell, share, or link directly to this file.)
I’ve got lots of more spooky ideas on my Halloween for Kids page too.
Have you got any favourite spooky jokes? Come on, share them below!
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Thank so much for this Danya. I relented (at the 11th hour as it were) and let my children go trick or treating for the first time but they were without a party piece. Your spooktacularly funny jokes have just saved the day.
Here is our joke: A skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a pint of beer and a mop.