A Letter to Bee (7 months)

I wrote this letter to you weeks ago, and with all the packing up and moving house, I hadn't a chance to actually post it. The photos still aren't attached, but it I don't post it now, it'll never happen. So Bee, here is your 7 month letter, only a few days before your 8 month birthday...


Dear Baby Bee,

You're slowly becoming mobile. You can now roll around the floor every which way, and you are starting to commando crawl for up to a metre. Sometimes you get up on your hands and toes and hover, obviously frustrated that this isn't having the effect that you are looking for.

You can't get yourself into a sitting position yet, but if I sit you down, then you can stay there unsupported, with a few wobbles that you can correct yourself. (Although you will fall at the slightest push, so I have to be careful that your sister doesn't give you too many cuddles.) 

From sitting, you can pick up and play with toys that are very close by, and you can also flop forward onto your tummy if you want to commando crawl over to a toy that is a little further away.

I try not to sit you very often though, because I'd rather you to practice your crawling and hopefully learn to sit up on your own. But apparently you've decided that being horizontal is not cool, and have started to shriek like you've been abandoned whenever I lie you down on the floor, even if I'm sitting right next to you.

Your absolute favourite position remains however, to be held and carried around. This could be the onset of separation anxiety, except that you don't seem to mind who is carrying you, as long as you are in the thick of things. We spent a week in Fiji earlier this month (Bula!) and the Fijian waitresses couldn't get enough of you. Whenever we dined, you were handed around from person to person, and you LOVED it. Now that we are back, I'm starting to put you in the baby carrier more and more so that you are happy and I still have my hands free.

You've started swimming - both in Sydney and while we were in Fiji. You love it! Kicking and splashing. You don't mind having your head under the water - you hold your breath, and come up relatively happy, gulping fresh air and blinking the water out of your eyes.

Just after you turned 6 months, after you'd finished transitioning from being swaddled arms-in, to arms-out, we moved your cot from beside our bed to your own room. (Technically it is both your and your sister's room, but she's taking longer to get used to the idea.) You're sleeping fairly well for your day naps, particularly if the house is quiet. During the night, you wake up to nurse and/or put the dummy back in about 3-6 times a night. I've got a chair in there so I can nurse you in the dark. You only need about 5-10 minutes to nurse, and then I can put you straight back down and you resettle instantly. Usually I can get straight back to sleep as well.

Another thing I should mention is that you've developed an attachment to a little security blanket, which we've named Sir Tags-a-Lot, and you struggle to sleep without it. I'm really hoping that this attachment stays, because I think it will be helpful for you in your toddler years to have a special toy that brings you comfort.

Food-wise, you're eating almost everything that what we eat now. You've had cheese, carrots, broccoli, broccolini, baby corn, green beans, wholemeal bread, peanut butter, soy beans, lettuce, cucumber, Weetbix, porridge, beef, chicken, pork, lamb, yoghurt, celery, crackers, oranges, apples, pears, mandarins, banana, chips, egg, fish, prawns, avocado, tomato, noodles, rice, corn tortillas, watermelon, rockmelon. 

The only foods I'm intentionally avoiding are ones that are high in sugar, are very processed, are very spicy (hot) or include honey (botulism risk).

So far, you like everything! Even strong tastes, like salad dressing. Because I'm not pureeing anything, most of it gets sucked on and then spat out. But judging from your nappies, some of it is going down.

There have been a couple of occasions where you've gagged, and once where you've vomited. I'm not worried about this - gagging and vomiting are natural responses to prevent food that is too big from getting too far back in your mouth. Actually, it's reassuring to see that your gag reflex is working fine. (Note: Mr Banya and I have attended a Baby CPR and Choking course - something I recommend for parents and babysitters, regardless of whether they are doing baby-led weaning.)


This month you also got to meet some very lovely, funny, inspirational and super talented bloggers at the Digital Parents Conference 2013. Poor Mummy felt a bit bumbling, overawed, nervous, star-struck, being in a room full of demi-gods people that she reads and looks up to, but you seemed happy to take it all in your stride. You were passed around from blogger to blogger, many of whom were missing their wee bubs back home, and did a great job of wooing everyone's hearts.

On the second day of the conference, I was listening to a panel discussion on 'The Myth of Having It All', while you jollied yourself rolling around on the floor. Discussions were centring on what "all" means. It got me thinking about choices. Your father and I are both taking work breaks at the moment so that we can be with you and your sister. This means sacrifices in other areas, but they are areas that we are willing to forsake. 

Meanwhile, Kylie Purtell from A Study In Contradictions was watching you from the other side of the room, and tweeted "@Danya_Banya your blogger baby is the all I'm hoping for". And you know what? She's right. You are my "all". At least, you are one of my "alls". And I wouldn't wish it any other way.

xx
Mummy

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The One Where JJ Almost Gets Hit By A Car

We almost lost a daughter today.

We'd had a play date at a friend's place this morning, and JJ didn't want to leave. She'd been having fun playing with the other children. But it was time for us to head home.

My friend was walking us up the driveway, saying goodbyes. Bee was strapped into her pram. I was trying to hold JJ's hand, but she kept snatching it away.

We weren't at the top of the driveway yet. My friend was chatting to JJ, saying that we need to wait until the road is clear before we can cross. "Look, there's a big car coming" she said.

"That's not a car." JJ replied. "It's a van." Smart-arse.

My friend laughed. "Well, this one's a big car" she said, pointing to a 4WD (SUV) coming from the other direction.

JJ twisted her hand out of my grasp again, and out of nowhere, ran straight out onto the road.

She ran onto the road IN FRONT OF A BIG-ARSE CAR.

My heart lurched inside my chest.

My friend ran onto the road after JJ. I also ran onto the road waving my arms like a lunatic trying to attract the driver's attention. Luckily it's a small road, and the car wasn't going fast. It stopped with about a metre to spare.

The relief was palpable.

I then spun around, and watched my pram rolling backwards down the driveway.

"My baby!" I yelled. (Actually I think it was more of a squeal).

I watched, seemingly in slow motion, as the pram rolled backwards towards a rut, then flipped head-over-heals, landing BABY-SIDE DOWN.

My heart lurched inside my chest again.

I ran over to the pram, turning it right-side up (baby-side up). Bee was crying, but not screaming. It was a that was scary cry as opposed to a I just hurt myself really badly cry. One of her ring fingers was bleeding slightly around the finger nail. The frame of the pram must have taken the brunt of the fall. Thank goodness she was strapped in.

My friend brought JJ over, and once we'd established that Bee was astonishingly rather unhurt, I took JJ aside.

"JJ, do you know what you just did? You must never, never, never do that again."

JJ misunderstood. She thought she was getting in trouble for pushing Bee's pram over. She tried to explain that she didn't do that to Bee. So I had to back-up.

"JJ, you just ran out onto the road, in front of a car. You almost got hit by that car. JJ, are you allowed to run out onto the road?"

"No."

"JJ, when you ran out onto the road, Mummy had to let go of the pram to run after you, which is why the pram rolled and fell over. I know you didn't push over the pram. But you did go out onto the road. JJ, you are in a lot of trouble for this. What you did was very naughty. Do you understand me JJ? You must never go out onto the road. You almost just got hit by a car. Do you know what would have happened if you had been hit by that car?

"I would have got hurted. My legs would have got broked. And then if my legs were broked, I wouldn't be able to walk."

"Yes JJ, that's what would have happened. And it would have made Mummy very, very sad. I think you need to be carried to cross the road again for a little while, until you remember how important it is to never go onto the road."

And then I looked and my friend, and she looked at me. We had one of those moments, where you count all your blessings and then some. The relief was palpable. Again.

I briefly considered carrying JJ on my hip whilst I pushed Bee in the pram home. I would have done it. I've done it before, both as a preventative and as a punishment, when JJ has run off. But luckily in this instance Mr Banya was home and could pick us all up instead.

When Mr Banya arrived, I asked JJ to tell him what happened. 

"I ran out onto the road. I almost got hit by a car and got my legs broked."

I believe that JJ understands mostly the seriousness of the situation. She certainly seems to understand that she did the wrong thing, and that there would have been consequences beyond punishment. She understands that she is now to be carried across roads for a while, and is letting us carry her without fuss. She understands that we are no longer walking to friend's houses for a while. She is keenly trying to redeem herself by pointing out situations when she has done "good sticking together".

Carrying her across roads is difficult, but we've done it before. It means that I'll have to leave the pram behind if we are going anywhere that involves a road crossing as I can't easily carry JJ and push the pram at the same time. I'll have to carry Bee in the sling on my front and carry JJ on my hip.

We used to carry JJ every time we crossed a road or car park until she was 2 years and 2 months old. It didn't matter if it was a small lane or a busy highway. If it was at traffic lights or a pedestrian crossing. If I had my arms free or if I was lugging heavy bags. If I was by myself or with the rest of the family. Carrying her was our way of drilling into her that the road needed to be respected. That it was dangerous. That she wasn't allowed to even step onto a road, regardless of the situation.

I copped a bit of flack. Some friends and family thought it was unnecessary. That I had too many rules. That I was making things hard for myself. That I was restricting them. That JJ should be able to walk holding hands, or holding onto my bag or the pram. That the rules didn't count if we were walking down a small quiet lane.

They thought that an eighteen month old should be able to walk across roads and car parks holding hands with an adult.

Source

And certainly, looking around, there are plenty of eighteen month olds  who can and do cross roads and car parks, holding their parents' hands.

But maybe those eighteen month olds aren't as spirited as JJ.

JJ has always been extra confident. As an attachment style parent, I've avoided hovering. I've let her take her own risks, find her own boundaries, make her own mistakes.

But not around cars.

I felt that JJ, as an overconfident young toddler around eighteen months, couldn't understand the difference between a quiet small lane and an ordinary neighbourhood street, that rules could be broken sometimes. I felt that JJ, as an overconfident young toddler, wouldn't be able to hold onto my bag and resist temptation to run off. I felt that JJ, as an overconfident young toddler, would hold my hand one day, and think she was old enough to do it by herself the next.

Because the consequences were too great. 

And so we carried her. Always. We left no room for interpretations.

But when she was 2 years and 2 months old, we judged that she was ready. She had started to resist being carried. She wanted to walk across the road like a big girl. So we slackened the reins and allowed that she could cross roads and car parks if, and only if, she was holding onto the hand of an adult. And she's been so good around the road. Sure we've had plenty of times when she's run off. But never onto the road. Never in front of a car. Not until now.

It seems, that at some point, she must have lost a bit of respect for the road.

And the consequences are great. Indeed they are great.

I can't help but think 'what if?' How my day would have panned out - if the driver of that car didn't stop in time or if Bee wasn't strapped into the pram. I could be still up at emergency right now, or worse. Or worse. Heaven forbid, or worse.

And so it seems, for a while, we'll be returning to the strict rules. She'll be carried. Across every road. Across every car park. Until she shows again the respect that cars deserve. Until my heartbeat has slowed down somewhat, at least.

xx

Danya

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xx

Danya

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A Letter to Bee (6 months)

Dear Baby Bee,

Oops, I haven't written your 6 month letter yet. Bad mummy... So, a big hip hip hooray, Happy 1/2 Birthday to you!!

Your sister photo bombed my attempts at your six month photo, jumping in for a quick kiss. And then insisted on cuddling up on the couch for photos together afterwards. She loves you so much.

We don't really sit you on the couch very often, for safety's sake, because you roll around so much these days...

You had your first cold this month. Sniffle, sniffle, cough. A few unsettled nights with a sore throat. Poor little thing.

We popped by the early childhood clinic for a check up. You measured 6.7kg (~20th percentile), 63.5cm long (~25th percentile), with a head circumference of 43cm (~65th percentile).

Six months also means vaccinations. You screamed. Your sister also cried in sympathy.

Photo by the very talented Megan Webb

But on the bright side, you got to taste food for the first time! We'd been trying to hold off as long as possible, but at around five and a half months you started shouting at us whenever you saw us eat. Not crying, SHOUTING. Audibly demanding to be fed. Or at least included. I think it was the included part that you wanted most of all.

Whilst we are doing a version of Baby-Led Weaning, I thought some mushy roasted sweet potato might be a good first start.

You squished it, and painted with it, and ended up collecting the majority around your thighs. But you never actually brought any up to your mouth for a taste. That's OK. At your age, food is not just for eating. It's also for touching, feeling, smelling, participating. And I'm totally counting this as your first work of art.

The second try, a day or so later, was half a banana. You picked it up, squished it into mush in your fist, and had fun painting again. I did put some to your mouth to encourage you to eat some this time, but no, you were having too much fun with all your other senses to actually taste any.

So we tried again that night with a steamed green bean at dinner time, and this time you knew exactly what to do. The bean was firm enough for you to hold without squishing, and yet soft enough that you could suck on it and get some of the taste.

And here you are a few nights later trying some noodles. Yummy AND fun!

You haven't quite figured out the swallowing bit yet. Even food that you've mushed up gets spat back out. But there's plenty of time for that. For now, you are enjoying the act of eating, the different colours, textures, smells and tastes. You are learning where your gag reflex is, and how to use your tongue to push food around your mouth. You are developing your hand-eye coordination. And you are enjoying the social aspects of eating, of being included as part of the family dining experience. All important lessons for such a wee little girl!

Mummy, Daddy and JJ love you lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots.

xx
Mummy

Previous letters to Bee:
A letter to Bee (5 months)
A letter to Bee (4 months)
A letter to Bee (3 months)
A letter to Bee (2 months)
A letter to Bee (1 months)
Bee's Birth Story



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Big Changes

Big changes are afoot in the Banya household.

Firstly, Mr Banya is taking a work break. When his contract finished after almost 4 years, we had the choice of rushing into another contract or instead, taking a breath, and savouring some family time.

It comes at a cost of course. We've had to dip into the money that has been put aside for our future home purchase / early retirement / rainy day. And whilst our day-to-day spending has always been frugal, we're having to be even more conscious.

But the upsides are, of course, huge. There is probably never going to be a better time for us to be at home together, except perhaps when the kids move out of home in 25 odd years.

Mr Banya is loving spending so much time with his daughters while they are so young. He's there to see Bee's milestones. He can take JJ on special trips to the museum, or the zoo, or a new park. And he's actually been ticking things off the OMG-we-need-to-do list, like putting Bee on our Medicare cards, submitting tax, and registering the car. He's also been mastering his smoky ribs recipe - nom nom, I'll invite you over to try it sometime.

JJ is loving the extra attention which she has been demanding, but not always getting, since Bee was born. Most of her attention-seeking naughty behaviour has waned. She's no longer running off, and her need for "mummy-time" is decreasing. She is often able to play quietly by herself in the afternoons. All good signs.

And Bee is getting some actual one-on-one time. We've been going to a Mother's Group and a Baby Playgroup, making friends with other mothers and babies of similar age.

But I'm loving having Mr Banya home most of all. I've gone from just getting by, counting down the hours of every day, to actually coping. I've been able to go to bed early, and sleep in on some days so I'm gradually catching up on my sleep deficit. I'm nicer. I've got the patience to read 5 books to JJ before afternoon tea, or play peek-a-boo with Bee for the thousandth time. I'm being more of the parent that I want to be.

The second big change going on at the moment is that we are about to move. Last week we were given notice that the house we are renting is going to be sold. Groan. So we are madly on the hunt for a new place, with packing, moving and unpacking ahead of us. Whilst it sucks that this decision was outside of our control, thank goodness it happened whilst Mr Banya is off work.

And the third big change is that JJ is going to be starting Preschool in a fortnight. She is craving independence lately and I think this will be good for her. Technically she'll be enrolled in "Early Learning", which is designed to help children who have never been in any kind of childcare facility prepare for Preschool. She'll learn how to look after her own things, how to interact with the other kids, and how to take directions and receive comfort from someone other than Mummy. It's a really gentle program, with double the usual staffing ratios so there are plenty of teachers for extra cuddles. She can start with half days, and I am allowed to stay for as long as she needs me. We can see how we go. If it doesn't work, then we'll stop. But I'm quietly confident that she'll enjoy all the stimulus and won't look back. (Famous last words).

So, if I'm quiet on the blog front in the next few weeks, it's because I'm bloody busy. I have so much content, but no time to write....

xx
Danya

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