With Christmas Day fast approaching, I’ve been searching for funny Christmas jokes to ‘crack’ at Christmas lunch on Friday.
My obsession for lame ‘dad jokes’ (or, as we call them in our family, ‘mum jokes), is legendary, so of course I took this ‘finding cool Christmas jokes challenge’ very, very seriously. I’ve spent the last day and a half researching the most hilarious, kid-friendly, Christmas-related jokes, knock knock jokes and one liners around. *Spending my time wisely, grin*.
Here are the 108 jokes that I liked best. Sorry, I couldn’t cut any of these out, they’re all terrible and awesome! I promise all (or at least most) of these jokes will make you snort, laugh out loud, and roll your eyes – at the same time!
These Christmas jokes would be perfect to pop inside your DIY Christmas crackers (if you are so inclined), or you could use them to make your own funny Christmas cards (or even just write cool jokes inside your store-bought Christmas cards). If you’re planning ahead, next year you could print them out to add to a DIY advent calender, or pop one each day in the kids’ lunchboxes. (See below for a printable version). Or you could just read, chuckle along, and hopefully memorise a few, so can crack some (terribly funny) jokes at your Christmas day lunch (or virtual lunch this year perhaps?).
Merry Christmas everyone!
Funniest Christmas Jokes for Kids
What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus!
What animal drops from the clouds?
How do you know the carrots are good for your eyesight?
Have you ever seen a reindeer wearing glasses?
What does Santa suffer from whenever he gets stuck in a chimney?
Where does Santa Claus go swimming?
The North Pool.
Why do reindeer wear bells?
Because their antlers are not horns!
What do you call a man with a lot of Christmas spirit?
What do you call a woman with a lot of Christmas spirit?
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
People act like the North Pole and the South Pole are exactly the same, but really, there’s a whole world of difference between them.
Where does Santa stay when he’s on holidays?
At a ho-ho-hotel!
Where do Christmas trees go when they want to become movie stars?
Who is Santa’s favourite singer?
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas.
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
What do Santa’s little helpers learn in kindergarten?
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas quacker.
What goes Oh! Oh! Oh!
Santa walking backwards.
Why was the snowman scolded while buying carrots?
He was picking his nose!
Why won’t you ever see Santa in public hospital?
Because he has private elf care!
What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree?
Nice gnawing you!
How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle!
What do snowmen have for breakfast?
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has noel.
Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
They always drop their needles!
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Which is Santa’s favourite American state?
Who does Santa call when his sleigh breaks down?
The Abominable Towman.
How does Darth Vader enjoy his Christmas Turkey?
A little on the dark side!
What is Tarzan’s favourite Christmas carol?
Why did Scrooge keep a pet lamb?
Because it would say, “Baaaaahh humbug!”
What language do Santa & the elves speak?
How do you lift a frozen car?
With a Jack Frost!
What would you call an elf who had just won the lottery?
What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?
What is brown, has a hump, and lives at the North Pole?
A very lost camel!
Why does Santa go down the chimney?
Because it soots him!
What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa Claus when she looked up in the sky?
Looks like rain, dear!
Snow time to waste. It’s almost Christmas!
Why did Santa get a parking ticket on Christmas Eve?
He left his sleigh in a snow parking zone!
What would you call Santa if you found him at the south pole?
A lost clause!
What do sheep say at Christmas?
A very merry Christmas to ewe!
Why is everyone so thirsty at the north pole?
There’s no well!
What did the skunk family sing at Christmas?
Donut open til Christmas!
Why did Santa’s helper see a psychologist?
Because he had a low “elf” esteem!
What do you call Father Christmas at the beach?
What would you find if you crossed Santa with a detective?
How you can tell that Santa is real?
You can always sense his presents!
What is the elves’ favourite type of music?
What do you call Santa’s little helpers?
What do you call a bankrupt Santa?
Why is Santa so good at karate?
Because he has a black belt!
What do you call a frozen elf hanging from the ceiling?
What do you call a scary reindeer?
Did Rudolph go to school?
No. He was Elf-taught!
What does Santa clean his hands with?
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because he wasn’t chicken!
Where do snowmen keep their money?
In a snowbank!
What do snowmen like to do on the weekend?
What do fish sing at Christmas time?
What is a Christmas tree’s favourite candy?
What do you get when you cross a pine cone and a polar bear?
A fur tree!
Why didn’t the rope get any Christmas presents?
It was knotty!
Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!
What carol is heard in the desert?
O camel ye faithful!
Why do cats take so long to wrap presents?
They want them to be purr-fect!
There were two snowmen in a field. One turned to the other and said “I don’t know about you but I can smell carrots.”
What are the best Christmas sweaters made from?
What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?
A cookie sheet!
What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
What’s the name of the one horse in “Jingle Bells”?
Bob. (Bells on Bob’s tail ring…)
Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
Because there’s so much wrapping!
Children: This turkey tastes like an old sofa!
Mum: Well, you asked for plenty of stuffing!
Why isn’t Santa allowed to go down chimneys this year?
It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission.
What do grapes sing at Christmas?
‘Tis the season to be jelly.
What was Santa’s favourite subject in school?
How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
Nothing, it was on the house!
Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past?
Because the present’s beneath them.
Who is a Christmas tree’s favourite singer?
What do you get when you mix a Christmas tree and an iPad?
You’re Justin time for Christmas cookies!
What did one Christmas tree say to another?
What month does a Christmas tree hate the most?
Elf me wrap this present for Santa!
What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?
Stick with me and we’ll go places!
Why don’t crabs celebrate Christmas?
Because they’re shell-fish.
What’s every parent’s favourite Christmas carol?
What do you call it when Santa takes a break?
A Santa pause.
What is a bird’s favourite Christmas story?
The Finch Who Stole Christmas.
In what year does New Year’s Day come before Christmas?
What is an elf’s favourite sport?
I got a universal remote control for Christmas.
This changes everything.
What did one snowman say another snowman?
What kind of photos do elves take?
Last Christmas I bought my friend a lie detector as a gift.
“Oh… I love it!” she said.
“We’ll see,” I said.
What’s the Grinch’s least favourite band?
Why did the Christmas tree go to the hairdresser?
It needed to be trimmed!
Christmas: The time when everyone gets Santamental.
What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?
What’s as big as Santa but weighs nothing?
Who is never hungry at Christmas?
The turkey—he’s always stuffed!
What do donkeys send out before Christmas?
A gingerbread man went to the doctor’s complaining of a sore knee.
“A sore knee?” the doctor said. “Have you tried icing it?”
Why did the red-nosed reindeer help the old lady cross the road?
It would have been Rudolph him not to.
The Christmas jumper my kids gave me last year kept picking up static electricity. So I took it back and exchanged it for another one – free of charge.
Seriously, these crack me up!
(This printable is a 5 paged, A4-sized, pdf file. You will need a pdf reader to open it. If you are printing on US ‘letter-sized’ paper, select ‘fit’ or ‘shrink to fit’ from your printer options. This printable is for personal use only. You may not sell, share, or link directly to this file.)
I’ve got lots of other Christmas ideas on my Christmas Activities for Kids page too.
Or if it’s more jokes you’re after, you might like to check out our spooky Halloween jokes for kids. Muuaahhaa!
Have you got any favourite Christmas jokes that I haven’t included above? Come on, share them below!
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